Hello Means Goodbye
by CatsEyeFanfictionInc
Summary: Why?  Why did he do it?  Why did he have to die?  A small tribute to Luxord, with a little pointer for the up-coming sequel to 'I'll Never Be Enough'.


Basically, this fanfiction is the explanation for something that will come in the sequel for 'I'll Never Be Enough'.

Okay, it's a BIT confusing, and, after reading it, I confused myself…O-O I wrote it randomly one night, and just let my fingers go free on their own little journey…

A second reason I wrote this was because I wanted to try a new side of Cenchax. Since he's very mentally unstable and has a moldable personality, he's prone to insanity, moodiness, and all-out attitude changes. It makes it difficult to write about him, but it also makes toying with him extremely easy.

And, finally, this is a little tribute to Luxord. I felt like 'I'll Never Be Enough' made it look like he liked Cenchax the least of all the members…But he cares just about as much as everyone else.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters, places, or reference I borrow. Square Enix owns all of that.

However, I DO own Cenchax, and he cannot be used without my permission.

I also own 'I'll Never Be Enough'.

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**Hello Means Goodbye**

A Cat's Eye Fanfiction Inc. Production

To Luxord. You and Chance are tight. Maybe you don't seem as close as some of the other members, but you care just as much as they do.

Why? Why did he do it? It just didn't come to him. He could understand why someone would want to raise money. He could understand why some people could crave foods or drinks. He could understand a need to be near someone. He had those feelings every day.

But the need to commit suicide…

Why?

He walked down the hallway, deep in thought. He briefly ran a finger through his short, blonde hair, his deep blue eyes shutting as he sighed. They reopened as he placed a hand beneath his goatee, pondering this. What series of events could possibly have led to the fourteenth member's suicide? It just didn't make sense. They all knew that he had a hard past. They all knew that he had feelings for Roxas—much to their Superior's distaste. They had all known that Roxas hadn't exactly rejected his feelings, but hadn't accepted them, either.

But, what had made it so horribly bad that he had to jump off a building with a knife in his back?

What caused him to cut?

Who did this to him?

What happened?

And WHY did he feel the need to die?

He shook his head, suddenly tired. His first initial reaction was to ask Cenchax what the rest of the mission was. He turned his head and opened his mouth, only to realize that he and Cenchax wouldn't be doing the mission anyways. It had been cancelled that day, and would probably never be rescheduled.

Because #14, the Fearless Psychic, was dead.

He gripped his chest, feeling a strange, dead ache inside of it. He winced, feeling tears come to his eye. Nobodies weren't supposed to feel. And yet, here we was, clearly in pain. Here he was, heartless and nonexistent, feeling pain that wasn't actually there. How did this make logical sense, he hadn't the faintest idea.

All he knew was that he missed Cenchax so much; it was more than he could stand.

He decided to retire, not bothering changing out of his long, black coat. He had fallen asleep in it before; it wasn't the most comfortable sleepwear, but it wouldn't cut off his circulation. He lay in his gray-and-white bed, staring blankly at the wall. To himself, he whispered, "Why, Cenchax? Why did you have to die?"

Just as he was falling asleep, he heard a familiar teenage voice murmur in his ear, "Because Hello means Goodbye…"

He opened his eyes. No longer was he in his bed. No longer was he tired. The ache was gone; there was nothing in his chest. He felt nothing. It was a strangely empty feeling, but it was wonderful compared to the deadening agony he had to go through for several days. He looked around for an explanation. He was standing on white clouds in a dull blue sky, somehow finding firm footing on the water molecules. He kept looking around.

And there he was. Black hair sticking out in several areas. Red tips and blue swirls covered in gravel and grit. Mocha eye open and dull. Blood trailing forms his pale lips. A weak smile on his face. His coat torn, blood flowing from his stomach. Tire tracks covering his body. His blue eyes augmented, but still, he felt nothing. The only thing he felt was his stomach lurch at the sight of such a gory body.

Cenchax looked down at himself, obviously confused by his guests' reaction. He bitterly chuckled. "Oh, sorry, I forgot I was expecting company…Let me fix that…" A flash of bright light surrounded Cenchax, and he was back to normal, the tire tracks, blood, and grime gone. The only thing that hadn't changed where his eyes; they remained dull. He stared at Cenchax for a while. Cenchax closed his eye, smiling at him.

"It's good to see you too, Luxord!" he exclaimed, though he moved no closer. The 10 foot gap remained between them. Luxord stared for an even longer time. Then, he asked the question.

"Cenchax…Why?"

Cenchax opened his eye, no emotion showing. They were simply dull. Luxord felt like he should feel hatred towards his eye, for not being vivacious, bright, ALIVE…but, still he felt nothing.

"I thought you might ask that…" Cenchax muttered.

"But WHY? I don't understand why you would take your own life!" Luxord complained, finally voicing his thoughts. "We know that you had a hard past. We know you've had a difficult time with Roxas. We know your memories still cause you pain. But, how is death worth it?"

Cenchax's face didn't flicker in the slightest. Luxord finally felt a twinge of emotion; he felt slightly unnerved by this suddenly unfeeling Cenchax. They were all used to him laughing, smiling in joy, crying, hurting…He wasn't used to this. His eyes followed Cenchax as the dead teen walked across the clouds, letting out a sigh. He began to circle Luxord, only to pause when he was about forty five degrees away from his original position. Luxord turned to face him. For a moment, Cenchax just stared at the sky, as though he were thinking. Then, he turned his smile back to Luxord, his hauntingly dull eye looking back over.

"Because a Hello is an awful lot like a Goodbye…"

Luxord had tried to make sense of that when he first heard it, but it simply hadn't made sense. "How?"

Cenchax looked back at the sky. "From me, when I say Hello, at the same time, I'm trying to say, 'Stay away from me, I'll only hurt you, because someday I'll leave.' All humans…All Nobodies…All living things…They are destined to die. So, the moment we say, 'Hello' to the world, it's almost as if we're starting to say an extremely long 'Goodbye'…"

He looked down at his shoes, thought no emotion played on his face. "Life is basically preparing for death. We're all literally dying to say Goodbye!" He chuckled sourly. "Some people cling onto it with foolish hopes and dreams…With aspirations of becoming great, with the feelings of being a success…" He spat the word 'success' with extra venom, but his eyes didn't express anger. "And, at one point, I was like that. I was foolish like the rest of you…"

He looked up at Luxord, the acrimonious grin on his face remaining. "Then I realized that dreams and wishes don't come true. I saw that I was destined to be a failure. And I accepted that. But I also accepted that my Hello was going to be shortened, so my Goodbye could come faster."

He glared down at the clouds, still not expression emotions. "Did I feel horrible about leaving you all behind? Of course. Were there reasons for me to live? I'm sure there were…" He stared back up at the dull blue sky—dull like his eyes. "But there weren't enough. There were few enough for me to say 'Hello' and actually have it mean 'Goodbye'…Because, after all…"

"The moment you said 'Hello' to life as a Nobody…" Luxord murmured. "The sooner you started to say a long 'Goodbye' to it…"

Cenchax smiles. "You learn quickly, dude…"

"But, it still doesn't mean you had to die. Given time, I'm sure old wounds could've closed…"

Cenchax sighed. "You just don't get it, do you? It wouldn't have just taken time. I needed other things. I was a greedy little bastard…" He chuckled humorlessly again. "And I knew I didn't deserve what I needed…Easier on my poor soul to throw my life away than to burden others…"

"Cenchax, you deserved it, and you were NOT a burden!" Luxord growled, trying to force himself to become enraged. But no emotions would come. "Why do you keep convincing yourself that you are what you aren't?"

"Do you deny that I tortured you?"

Luxord opened his mouth to protest, but realized…He couldn't. "Do you deny," Cenchax continued, still emotionless, "That I caused you pain every day of your life? That I caused you to worry needlessly about me? That I drew you in closer only to hurt you? That I unintentionally manipulated you to drive you to sob broken hearts out?"

Luxord couldn't deny that. Because, the horrible part was, Cenchax was right. He smirked. "Thought so…I had no right to do that to you. Therefore, I had no right to live. My sins were punishable by death."

"And…" he added, putting his hands on his hips, looking at the dull blue sky. "There's another way a Hello means Goodbye…Greeting one thing is leaving another thing behind…"

He walked across the clouds. "A Hello to my life as a Nobody was a Goodbye to my heart. A Hello to all the members of our precious Organization was a Goodbye to all my old friends. And…A Hello to this death…This WONDERFUL death…is a Goodbye…To all emotion." Cenchax spun around, laughing with sheer animosity, still not showing emotion. He gestured around him. "Luxord, look at the world I live in now! Blank! Empty! There truly is nothing here! Being a Nobody meant my memories haunted me, that my feelings brought me down, that I felt pain…But feel it for yourself, Luxord!" he shouted, letting out a laugh. He ran up to Luxord and placed his hands the living Nobody' shoulders.

"I. Feel. Nothing," he whispered, almost in joy. But he couldn't feel joy. For his eye—the source of his emotions—was still dead. "Nothing, nothing, nothing. Sweet, wonderful nothing. Memories can't hurt me here. Burdens fall right off my shoulders. Regrets are forgotten. And, best of all, I'm alone, like I deserve to be." He leapt away, spinning around, laughing. Luxord was sure that, if he could feel, he'd be more frightened of this bitter, unfeeling Cenchax than happy for the boy's fake happiness.

"I can finally rest in peace. Nothing can bother me. And, before you ask, no," he added, putting a hand up to Luxord's face before the Nobody could protest. "I don't feel bad about leaving other emotions behind. Happiness, surprise, love, passion, friendship…" He smiled bitterly. "They mean nothing to me. I'm cruel, Luxord, I hope you realize. Cruel enough to leave everything that I thought I loved behind, and not feel any remorse.

"But, isn't not feeling wonderful?" he added, smiling encouragingly at Luxord, his eye closing. Luxord managed to catch a glimpse of the old Cenchax; the bright, happy boy he was when he wasn't suicidal and depressed. How he missed him. He wished he had a camera to capture this moment forever.

Then the empty eye opened again, and Luxord couldn't find Cenchax anymore. His one-of-a-kind eyes no longer defined him. They were only part of Cenchax if they expressed emotion.

"I know you can't feel either…So, what do you think? Don't you LOVE the path I've chosen?" He spun around. "No worries! No pains! No regret! No bitter feelings! No hatred! Just NOTHING. Maybe apathy, but, other than that, NOTHING." He stopped spinning, smiling at Luxord. "It's great, isn't it?"

Luxord looked down, face darkening. He wished he was angry. He wanted to scream at Cenchax, to yell at him, to call the old one back. He wanted to sob at how this couldn't be the real Cenchax. He wanted Larxene there to comfort him, to tell him that this was all just a dream, and that this Cenchax couldn't exist.

He wanted to FEEL.

If he could feel at this moment, he was sure he'd hate to not be able to feel.

"…No…" he muttered.

Cenchax opened his eyes. "Hmm?"

"No, Cenchax…It's not great. I'm sure that, if I could feel one thing right now, it would be hatred at this void place…" He looked up at Cenchax. He wondered if his own eyes were as expressionless as Cenchax's. "Feeling is a part of life. Pain, anger, sadness, love…It's all part of becoming an adult, getting through life…Because life isn't a Goodbye…It's a gift. To be ALIVE and to FEEL is wonderful. There's so much to live for, and so many people who care…" He gripped his chest. "Even if this new you is bitter and sour…I know that, if I could, I'd still care about you…Because I remember you. I remember who you really are. You aren't this, Cenchax. I know you better than this…"

He put his fist down. "You regret leaving us behind. Should you ever wake again, you'd regret it. I know you would. This spur-of-the-moment decision didn't leave you with time to regret…But someday, you will…"

Cenchax sighed, shaking his head. "And here I thought I had finally got to you…You're still one of them. One of them who would rather call it a long 'Hello' and a short 'Goodbye'. Who still clings to life…" A tear trailed down his face. "But, if it makes you feel any better…" He lifted a gloved hand, and wiped up the tear. He lifted his glove, showing it to Luxord. "The old me isn't too far gone…" He put his glove down. "And I know it hates this new me…"

"Will he ever come back?"

"Luxord, that would take beyond a MIRACLE." He chuckled bitterly, closing his eye. "I'm dead, remember? I've ended my 'Hello' and welcomed my 'Goodbye'." He looked back up at Luxord, opening his dull eye. Even when the tear had fallen, it had remained blank. "Don't let me drag you down…I just thought that you ought to be the last to see me…Seeing as you were the furthest from me, you were the least likely to get hurt…"

"Cenchax, I loved you…The old you…Like a brother. Don't doubt that for a second."

Cenchax laughed. "He doesn't. But, remember me? I'm unfeeling. And so are you. You can't love. You're a NOBODY…" he murmured.

Luxord felt like this was the part where he was supposed to be flinching in pain. But, he didn't. "Just blink three more times, and I'll be gone…" Cenchax murmured.

Blink. But he had one more thing to say. "Hey, Cenchax, I've thought of another way a 'Hello' mean 'Goodbye'…"

"I'm all ears."

Blink. "Saying 'Hello' to this new you is saying 'Goodbye' to this old you…But, more importantly, this last 'Hello' means the final 'Goodbye'…"

Cenchax laughed again. How his sense of humor had changed. "You're getting better…Maybe you'll end up just like me…"

Blink.

His eyes opened. He was surrounded by darkness, underneath his sheets. He sat up, hugging his knees close to his chest. The last time he had done that, he had been 14 and sobbing out a broken heart…A crush from school, he believed. But, now he hugged them again, not feeling strange in the slightest. He looked up to his ceiling, barely visible in the darkness.

"…No…" he muttered to himself. "No, Cenchax…I'll never be like you…Not this new you…"

He looked down at his sheets. "I won't accept that you had to die…I won't accept that you brought this on yourself…I'll blame anyone else…I'll blame Sora, King Mickey, Donald, Goofy Roxas, Xemnas, Axel, Zexion…Even myself. But not you."

He looked back up at the ceiling. He could almost see the dull blue sky, and the boring white clouds. "I remember you, Cenchax. A boy as nice and friendly as you couldn't have done something wrong…In death, you're bitter, but I won't remember you in death. I'll remember you while you're alive. Your haunting words will never leave me…But I can't let that alter how I view you…"

He lay back down. "Because if I lose that, I lose all hope for everyone else…"

He closed his eye. "Death changes people. And I won't hold that against you…"

As he drifted to sleep, he felt a second presence. It was Cenchax. But not the new one. The old, friendly one, hugging him tightly, tears of compunction streaming down his face. Between silent sobs, a single word could be made out.

"_Thanks…_"

**THE END**

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Poor Luxord…

I'm sorry if I confused you at one point or another…Let's see if I can clear things up…-skims fanfiction-

What Cenchax means by when he first starts to explain his theory, when he says 'Hello' he's trying to add in a 'Goodbye' in order not to draw others in closer, have them care for him, only to be crushed when he tried to kill himself…

The 'Hello' is a long 'Goodbye' theory is that, basically, we're all brought in this world to die, aka, to say 'Goodbye' to the world.

…That's all I can think of to explain.

Bitter Cenchax is a little scary…I'm glad he isn't always like this!

There'll be a little mention in the sequel about this talk with Luxord. That's all.

~Cat's Eye


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